


Try to Forgive, Teach Me to Live.

by sadieejanelle



Category: Heathers (1988), Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2018-07-08
Packaged: 2019-03-16 15:02:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 10,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13638642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadieejanelle/pseuds/sadieejanelle
Summary: You've all read a classic "JD lives" fanfiction at some point probably, but never one like this.(Title is a lyric from Phantom of the Opera.)





	1. The Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at a Heathers multichapter fic...bear with me.
> 
> For more of my writing, you can follow me at fangirlahead on tumblr.

Veronica had spent the last year surrounded by 3 ghosts: a girl with a blue stained mouth and two boys with a bullet wound each. Every waking moment, if she couldn't hear them, she could see them. It was like some constant reminder of the crimes her and her beloved (ex)boyfriend committed. In the past year, Veronica had waited, waited for the one ghost she actually wanted to see to appear but, so far, it hadn't happened. Fed up, Veronica cornered the ghosts of mythic bitch Heather Chandler, quarterback Kurt Kelly, and linebacker Ram Sweeney. Unable to take it anymore, she begged them for information on JD. While their relationship certainly hadn't ended well, she still wanted to know he was okay. Heather was the one who finally stepped forward and in three words ruined Veronica's life for good.

"Where is he? Please tell me, I just need to know he's okay."  
"Veronica...He's not here."  
"What? You mean like heaven? Limbo? ...Hell?"  
"I mean he's not dead."


	2. Chapter 1-The Accident

Veronica’s whole world seemed to stop as the words left Heather’s mouth. There was just no way, her brain couldn’t seem to understand what was happening.  
“Do you think she’s dead now too?” Kurt remarked as a reaction to Veronica freezing up. Ram went to laugh at his friend’s joke but stopped because if looks could kill a ghost, Kurt would be dead again thanks to Heather Chandler.

“What do you mean he’s not dead?” Veronica finally spoke again after a minute or so of staring in shock. “I watched him die. I watched him.” Her voice broke on the last word.  
“I don’t know how or why. All I know is he never showed up, he’s not dead.” Heather shrugged.  
“Can you leave me alone for a moment?” Veronica could only see three blurred figures through her tears. She didn’t even know if they could leave but if they could, now would be the time. The only indication that they were gone was the silence she got in response.

Veronica sat back onto her bed once she knew she was alone, her brain beginning to understand what was happening. Somehow, JD wasn’t dead. She watched him blow up right in front of her with her own two eyes and yet, he was still living. It made no sense, nothing did at that moment. She had no idea how much time had passed as she sat there, her mind just replaying Heather’s words over and over until Veronica felt she couldn’t breathe. She had to get out.

She could barely see, tears were streaming down her face, but she managed to get up and head downstairs. She passed her parents without a word, they didn’t notice her anyways, and she grabbed the keys to the car and headed outside. She didn’t know where she was planning on going or what she hoped to accomplish, all she knew was she needed to go somewhere, somewhere that he hadn’t been and that didn’t remind her of him. But that was everywhere and it was incredibly suffocating. So she just got into the car and began to drive. She headed down the street, no clear destination in mind as she went.

It was a terrible idea for her to be driving, Veronica was smart and she knew that but it didn’t really matter to her anymore. She drove despite her mind being anywhere but the road and despite her eyes still being filled with tears. She couldn’t even tell she was crying anymore, she was used to it by then.

Her mind filled with images of him, followed immediately by images of the murders they had committed. It had been a year and she still couldn’t believe she’d done it, that she’d given in to him so easily but then again, she was thinking from a much more rational viewpoint now. Suddenly, without warning, she got the image of his death, or at least what she’d thought had been his death. She remembered staring at him in those final moments, the tension in the air thick as they both stood there just waiting silently for him to die. Veronica had never really wanted him dead, she wouldn’t deny that, but he couldn’t be fixed and she knew that. The only way to save everyone else was to lose him. So she’d let him go.

Yet he was still alive. She’d spent the last year in pure agony because she thought he was gone and he was fucking alive. The whole time. It made her so angry, she’d slammed her fists against the steering wheel. It was only then she remembered she’d been driving the entire time. She was lucky she was practically the only person on the road or she might have been hit or hit something else.

Her mind was still preoccupied with thoughts of JD but she was slightly more aware of what she was physically doing, or so she’d thought. She could’ve sworn the light was green but it had changed just before she arrived at the intersection. The car currently travelling perpendicular to her had seen the green light but not the car driving through the intersection on a red light. It was a disaster waiting to happen, and it happened.

The following crash made a sound not much unlike the sound made twelve months ago outside of Westerburg High.


	3. Chapter 2-The Return

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is short because it's really more of a filler before the action picks up.

JD had told himself he was never coming back to Sherwood, Ohio. He’d spent the last year not unlike how he’d spent almost his whole life, moving around place to place. However, now it was different. Now each place came with a new identity and he travelled alone and secretly. He never got attached to anything, he travelled somewhere, stayed for a few days, and then left as quickly as he’d come. It might have sounded lonely to anyone else but it was what he was used to by now.

The entire time he’d felt a need to go back and he’d fought it for so long. There was nothing left for him in Sherwood, at least that’s what he wanted to believe. Veronica thought he was dead and anyways, he fully believed she hated him. So why did he feel an overwhelming urge to go see her? Why couldn’t her get her face out of his head, haunting him wherever he went? Nowhere was far enough away so he finally decided, just once, he had to go back.

He didn’t want to talk to her, her life would be much easier if he stayed “dead” but he wanted to see her, he wanted to know she was okay. That’s why he’d come back. He just needed to see her again so he could move on. He owed her that much.

He’d been driving all day and he was tired, his last ‘home’ was several hours away from Ohio but he was determined to make the trip as quickly has he could. It was meant to be a quick stop on his way to the next place.

After hours of driving, he finally made it. He watched the “Welcome to Sherwood” sign pass by his passenger side window and he was immediately met with the memories of everything that had went down during his time in this town. He’d spent the time alone reflecting on his life and what he’d done and while he was nowhere near perfect, he was much better than he was before.

He finally began to recognize landmarks and places about a mile away from the sign. It was hard to believe it had only been a year since he’d faked his death and left, while at the same time it was hard to believe it was just one year. It was late and he was driving towards the only hotel he knew in Sherwood when it happened.

The light had just turned green and he had originally not planned on stopping but his eyes saw the car coming from his right and he slammed on the breaks. The crash that rang through his ears told him it was too late.


	4. Chapter 3-The Hospital

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Veronica and JD make it to the hospital, but nothing can prepare JD for what happens next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you all about to hate me? Yes. Am I doing this anyways? Yes.

Veronica’s mind had only just realized what was happening before the impact occurred. Her brain recognized the headlights of another car and even, just barely, the lights of the car behind it before she was thrown to her right and the world went black.

The two cars in front of him rammed full force into each other, and nothing besides his reflexes had stopped JD from joining the pileup as well. A year ago, if this had happened, he would’ve driven away once he knew he’d avoided any harm. But something was making him stay, he didn’t know yet if he was just shaken up about what had happened or if it was because one of the cars looked very familiar. Almost too familiar.

He didn’t act immediately, giving himself a minute to fully process the scene before him before getting out of his undamaged car and rushing over to the two that were currently intertwined. He reached the car that had previously been driving in front of him first. It seemed the one that had taken the least damage, which wasn’t really saying much. He got the door open and checked for a pulse on the driver, a middle-aged man who, even unconscious, reeked of alcohol. JD took a second to calm down at the sudden rush of anger the newly revealed detail gave him. Once he was sure the man was alive, not like JD really cared that much anymore if he was, he turned to the other car. There was no way he was getting in through the driver’s side so he made his way to the passenger door. In the distance, he heard sirens. As he walked past the windshield, he looked in, hoping for some sign of the driver’s state and maybe even a sign of why the car seemed so familiar. All he could see was the shoulder of the driver, the blue fabric instantly catching his eyes and making his heart sink. He told himself there was no way as he finally made it to the other side and opened the door. The driver was bleeding badly for a wound in her arm and her head, he was just barely able to make out the gender as he first observed the body. He was almost certain the person inside was dead until he say the subtle rise and fall of her chest. The thick brown hair still covered her face and JD just needed to confirm or deny his suspicion. He reached out a shaky hand and pushed back the blood-matted hair from the woman’s face. His eyes just barely had time to acknowledge the face before his hand shot back in fear and shock. He was right, it was Veronica.

Suddenly, everything seemed pointless. He’d fought so hard to live, it wasn’t easy trying to survive a damn explosion. He lived on the run for months, which was less than ideal, just so he could get back to her. All he had wanted was to see her one more time, but not like this. Not when there was a possibility she was dying right before his eyes. There was very few things Jason Dean was certain about but he was certain Veronica was not going to die today, not in that car and sure as hell not while he was still breathing. 

The police arrived on the scene only a few moments later. The ambulance following quickly behind. He watched silently as two paramedics ran out, one to each car. JD was barely given a second glance as each driver was dragged out of their respective cars and checked again for a pulse.They had just began to load Veronica’s unconscious body into the car when he finally spoke up.   
“Can I go with her?”   
The paramedics finally looked over at him, acknowledging his presence. The man and woman looked at each other hesitantly before the woman spoke up.   
“Look, kid, it’s really supposed to be family only.”  
“I’m her boyfriend.” It was a lie to get what he wanted, the beginning of what could become a very vicious cycle.  
Another look was exchanged between the two adults before the man nodded. “Be quiet, don’t touch anything. We’ve wasted enough time as it is, let’s go.” The three conscious bodies and the two unconscious ones were loaded into the back of the ambulance and in no time, it was speeding down the highway. It was a tight fit as all five bodies were forced to share the small space and the paramedics were attempting to work around JD, but for the most part, he stayed out of their way. His eyes never left Veronica’s chest. It wasn’t in the creepy way he might have stared at her before, now he was watching for the subtle rise and fall, the only sign she was still alive and with him. 

They arrived at the hospital ten minutes later. From what he picked up from the man and woman’s whispers, they were both going to make it, but it would be rough. Before he could say anything else, Veronica and the man were whisked away to operating rooms by hospital staff and he was escorted to the waiting room. He didn’t want to wait, he wanted to know she was okay, but he would do nothing to help her by causing a scene so he took a spot in one of the uncomfortable hospital chairs.

JD didn’t know how, but he’d managed to fall asleep. He figured he was just used to sleeping in uncomfortable places and it was pretty late at night. That led him to think about why Veronica had been driving. Where was she going? Why was she going there? Was it to see someone? Or was it to get away from someone? He wanted answers to all of the questions in his mind but at that moment, he only wanted one question answered. Was Veronica going to be okay? He got his answer only a few minutes later.

The woman that had led him from the ambulance had come back to get him. She explained that they were really only supposed to let family see her but they had no way of contacting her parents at the moment and he was going to be allowed only a few moments with her. The nurse explained Veronica’s condition to him as they walked and asked questions about her that the woman should already have answers to, but JD figured Veronica was just still out and couldn’t answer. The pair walked side by side down a way-too-clean hallway as the woman continued talking and JD nodded along. He wasn’t really paying attention as the woman spoke, he was just ready to see Veronica. This wasn’t how his return was supposed to go, he wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but he had at least hoped he’d find her conscious and safe.

The woman stopped in front of a room and turned to look at him. It was the first time JD was scared, there was something about the woman’s eyes that let him know something was very wrong.  
“There is something you should know…” She began.  
“Please just let me see her.” He cut her off. He was so close, he wanted to make sure she was alright before anything else came out of the nurse’s mouth.  
“SIr, you have to understand Veronica has suffered a very severe head injury.”  
“Please.”  
The woman nodded, seeing the desperation in his eyes. She turned the handle and opened the door, allowing him to walk in.

His eyes immediately found Veronica in the bed in the center of the room, but he wasn’t expecting for his eyes to meet hers. Her big brown eyes stared at him for a minute and he was scared he was about to be busted right then and there. Until her voice broke the silence, and his heart.

“Who are you?”


	5. Chapter 4-The Amnesia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Veronica wakes up and it's nothing like either of them had been expecting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me preface this by saying I've never had an amnesia and I don't know anyone who has. My facts and information might not be totally correct but if anyone knows more than I do and wants to help me get my work to be more factual, I would totally appreciate it.

She was very aware when her eyes opened that she didn’t know where she was. In fact, she didn’t even know who she was. The room was too bright for her and she shut her eyes almost immediately after opening them. Another minute went by in darkness before she finally let herself test out the light again. She looked around nervously, she couldn’t remember much but the fact that she didn’t know her name was alarming. There was a big red button next to her bed so she could call for a nurse, which she suspected she should do, but refrained for just a moment. She sat up in the bed the best she could, the movement had caused an incredible amount of pain in her head and ribs despite the drugs she assumed were being pumped into her body at that exact moment.

She remembered a crash. She remembered the lights to her left. She remembered hitting the steering wheel of her car and then...nothing. She remembered nothing else, not where she was going, not why she was going there, hell, her own name had yet to come back to her. It was frightening. She concluded due to the IV and the gown and the clean room that she was in a hospital, how she knew that and not what her own face looked like baffled her. Finally, she pressed the button for the nurse and waited.

Seconds turned into minutes and no one came so she tried again. Only 30 seconds had passed from the second time she pressed to the button to when the door to her room opened. In the doorway stood a young man, was he her age? She didn’t know. Did she know him? How did he know her? So many questions filled her head all at once. All she really knew was he looked scared and hurt, like just seeing her where she was was too much for him. How could she read him so well?  
“Who are you?” She finally asked, tired of the intense stare between the two of them. She watched his face fall. Oh no, he hadn’t been expecting that.  
“You don’t remember me?” He looked like a kicked puppy. She wanted so desperately to remember him, for both of their sakes.  
“Should I?” For some reason, she wanted him to tell her everything. Despite not knowing who he was, she had an unknown reason to feel incredibly drawn to him.  
The nurse walked in behind him as he opened his mouth to answer. “Veronica has suffered a rather severe head injury. We’re afraid it has caused amnesia.” The woman told the man. Clearly, he was important enough to know about her health, so who was he?  
“So she doesn’t remember anything?” There was just a hint of relief in his voice though she couldn’t recognize where it came from.  
“Well, you’ll have to ask Veronica that.” Veronica, that was her. Yes, she remembered that now. Her name was Veronica, at least her first name was, her last name still slipped her mind.  
“I remember the crash and my name now. That’s all.” Veronica finally spoke up again, looking from the man to the nurse. Something about him made her uneasy but at the same time, she felt a push to throw her arms around him that scared her more than anything. “Who are you?” She asked again, hoping for an answer this time.  
“I’m JD.” He paused, like he was contemplating something. “I’m your boyfriend.” Her boyfriend, she had a boyfriend? He was certainly attractive and that explained some of the feelings she had, she guessed it made sense.  
“I wish I could remember you.” There was a truthfulness to her voice that made him visibly relax, like he’d been scared she would try to fight him on that fact.  
“Well the doctors believe your memories are not totally gone. Given time and some professional help, you should be able to get them back.” The nurse walked over to her bedside from where she’d previously been checking Veronica’s vitals. “You look all good, well, as good as someone who got into a car accident can look. I’ll be back in a little while to check on you again but for now, I’ll leave you two alone. It seems like you two have a lot of catching up to do.” The nurse smiled at each of them in turn and then walked out the door, leaving the pair alone.

“You don’t have to stand there. You can sit down.” Veronica nodded her head towards a chair on her right.  
He seemed awkward, almost uncomfortable as he pulled the chair closer to the bed and sat down. It looked like he wanted to get as far away and yet, he knew he couldn’t. JD knew he wouldn’t.  
“I meant what I said, I wish I knew you but I just don’t.” Veronica figured it was up to her to break the silence. When she got no answer, she kept going. “But I’d like to. Why don’t you tell me what I knew?”  
“Where do I start, Ronnie?” Ronnie, she liked that, she wanted him to call her that again.  
“I guess the beginning.”


	6. Chapter 5-The Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe this will change everything.

JD seemed nervous as he started talking. Unknown to her, he was figuring out how to tell her things without mentioning the fact that they were basically serial killers and he should be dead.   
“Well, first of all, your name is Veronica Sawyer. You’re 18 years old, almost 19 by now. An only child with both parents still alive.” JD began to explain. Veronica nodded along, thankful for the basic information that she didn’t know. “We’ve only known each other for a little over a year, I guess. We met in the beginning of our senior year when I first moved here.” He kept going. “I remember thinking it was crazy that such a beautiful girl would talk to an outcast like me but you did. It changed my life.” JD faintly smiled and Veronica felt her heart flutter. “You had these terrible friends, the Heathers, but you wouldn’t leave them.”  
“The Heathers? As in multiple?” Veronica interrupted him.  
“Yes, there were three of them, but now there’s only two.” He looked away for a second. In the year he’d had to reflect, he’d almost come to regret Heather Chandler’s death. Almost.  
“Geez, what happened to her?” Veronica didn’t know if she was supposed to feel sad but then again, she didn’t really know this girl anymore.  
“She drank some drain cleaner and smashed through a coffee table. Suicide.” JD’s tone was almost monotonous.  
“Oh my god.” She certainly hadn’t been expecting that answer.   
“I get by telling myself that she’s in a better place.” He shrugged. “Anyways, somehow Heather’s death brought us closer together,” not a lie. “I guess something about losing her made us scared to lose each other.” Was that a lie? He didn’t really know.   
“Did we love each other?” Veronica’s question threw him off guard for a second.  
“I like to think we did.” There was some sadness to his voice that Veronica picked up on, though she didn’t know why.  
“Do you still love me?” Again, he was thrown for a loop.  
“I’ve never stopped, Ronnie, but now you don’t even know me so it’s not like it really matters.” He sighed.  
“I’d like to.” She said it before she could stop herself. She felt this attraction to him that she didn’t understand. They hadhistory, something she didn’t remember anymore and a lot of it, but if it made her feel anything like she did when she looked at him, she wanted to know all of it again.  
“What?” JD seemed incredibly caught off guard, nothing like his reaction to her last two questions.  
“You’re right. I don’t know you anymore but I want to. I want to know you again, maybe even love you again. I did once, I want to know what it feels like again.”   
He paused, his mouth hanging slightly open as he stared into her eyes, trying to figure out if she was serious.  
“What do you say? Will you help me remember?” Veronica’s eyes seemed to almost be begging him to say yes.  
“That works for me.” He smiled at her, a genuine smile this time.

If Veronica wanted to start over, who was he to deny her? He had always found it hard to say no to her, up until what should have been the very end. He was a better person than he was a year ago, much more human, maybe this was their chance at redemption. Maybe they could be normal for once, love each other like regular people do, not two teenagers forever tied together because of the murder they committed. Yet, if she got her memory back, everything would go back to the way it was before. She’d hate him and he’d leave, but for now, she wanted to try to love him and he just wanted to love her and maybe by some small chance, if she did remember, she would forgive him and he could finally live again. It took all he had not to grab her and kiss her right there but he didn’t want to scare her and he didn’t want to hurt her any more.

From there, JD began to tell her the rest of their relationship, obviously modifying some details but still making the same dramatic love story it really was. He through in personal details along the way that she’d need to know and Veronica seemed totally invested the entire time. Her eyes never leaving him as she listened intently.  
“Alright, you two, visiting hours are over. You have to go, sir.” The nurse from before walked back in, no doubt to check on Veronica again. Had time really flown by that fast?”  
“You’ll come back tomorrow?” Veronica seemed almost nervous he’d say no.  
“And the next day and the one after that.” He promised. Unable to help himself, he bent over and kissed her forehead after he stood up. She gave him one of her beaming smiles as he walked out.  
“You got yourself a good one there, girlie.” JD heard the nurse say as he shut the door. If only she really knew, no, he couldn’t think like that, not yet. For now, his focus had to be on building a new relationship, not fixing their old one.

JD had no idea where he was going, he didn’t have anywhere to stay. Hell, he hadn’t even played on staying in Sherwood. What he was planning on being a quick stop on his way to his next place had turned to a chance at redemption. He didn’t know yet if it was going to turn out to be a good thing but he was ready to find out.


	7. Chapter 6-The Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Veronica gets to go home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this is the longest thing I've written so far to be honest. I want to say I don't like this chapter but I can't really tell. The next one is going to be good though.

JD ended up falling asleep on a park bench, not the most comfortable place but it had served its purpose for the night. He’d find a motel or something to stay in later, now his mind was only on getting back to Veronica. A police officer had taken his car back to the station when JD had gotten into the ambulance, he’d have to get it back at some point, but until then, he had to walk. The park wasn’t far from the hospital, JD hadn’t wanted to walk too long, so the walk back was only about 10 minutes.

He smiled politely at the receptionist as he walked in who immediately waved him through. Unknown to him, the nurse had let it slip and now Sherwood Hospital’s staff was abuzz about the girl with amnesia and her loyal boyfriend. It was the most drama they’d had in a while and everyone was just eating it up. 

JD slowly opened the door to Veronica’s room, unsure if she was awake yet. She was, she sat up and smiled at him as the door opened.  
“You came back.” It almost seemed like a question.  
“You asked me to, didn’t you?” He took a seat in the chair he had before.  
“I didn’t know if you would.” She shrugged.  
“Why not?”  
“Your girlfriend gets amnesia and has no idea who you are, seems like the perfect opportunity to move on to the next girl.” She didn’t want to admit she’d been up half the night scared he wasn’t coming back to her. Certainly, he could’ve just left her for someone else.  
“That’s not really my style, Veronica.” He was hurt. Sure, she didn’t know anything about him really, but he’d hoped she had more faith in him than that.  
“Well, you’re here now so I guess I was worried about nothing.” She smiled at him again.  
“Yes you were.” He couldn’t help but let himself smile back. “Any updates since I left?”  
“The nurse said they have to run a few more tests but I should be out of here soon. She said if I’d hit the steering wheel any harder I could’ve broken a rib and I might not have survived.” He didn’t want to hear that just as much as she didn’t want to say it, but she had lived and that was enough.  
“You’re alive, that’s what our focus should be on, not how you might’ve died.”

“I see you’re back.” The nurse had walked in for another check on Veronica.  
“Yes I am.” The nurse had been nice enough so far but JD didn’t really like speaking to adults.  
“Well, Veronica, I’ve spoken to your doctors and it looks like you’re set to go home tomorrow.”  
“Thank you.” Veronica smiled at the nurse. “I can’t wait to get out of here.”  
“And here I thought you like my company.” That caused both women to laugh, JD remained slightly uncomfortable. “Well, dear, I better go check on my next patient.” And with that, she walked out.  
It took a few minutes for Veronica and JD to pick up a conversation again but once they did, it was easy to just ramble on. Veronica found it surprising how easy it was for her to talk to him and JD found himself missing the days before their lives went to hell. Soon enough, it was time for him to leave again and Veronica found herself wishing he wouldn’t.  
“I’ll see you tomorrow, right?” Veronica asked as he headed out.  
“Of course, Ronnie, don’t let yourself worry about it this time.” He smiled as he shut the door.

With nowhere else to go, JD checked himself into a motel with the money he had from his father. Settling into the room, he found himself wishing he wasn’t alone. He’d even take the hospital chair to laying in his own silence. Still, he could wait out the night, knowing he’d get to see Veronica again tomorrow. It was almost scary how quickly they’d fallen back into their old routine. Talking and carrying on like they were the only two people that existed in the world, except this time without the murder. He didn’t want to think about it, wanted to forget the damaged person he’d been but he couldn’t. It would always haunt him but maybe, now he was going to be able to make it better.  
\---  
The next day, Veronica was discharged from the hospital. Her parents came to get her, they hadn’t been called because Veronica was technically a legal adult and, well, because she had no clue who they were anymore. Still, watching her mother break down when Veronica had no recollection of the woman had nearly crushed her. She wanted so badly to remember but she just couldn’t. It was like a hole was carved into her memory and she couldn’t get to what she needed to know. Veronica went home with them anyways.

Sitting in her bed that night, she began to realize she hadn’t seen JD all day. He hadn’t come before she’d left the hospital and he hadn’t come in the several hours she’d been at home already. Despite knowing better, she began to worry he wasn’t coming. He had said he would but then again, Veronica didn’t know how much trust she could really put in this guy.

Her fears were eradicated only a few minutes later when her window opened and JD hopped in. Veronica was almost terrified at how natural it seemed for him to come in like that.  
“Do you always enter my house like that?’ She threw her legs over the side of the bed so she was sitting and facing him.  
“Pretty much, yes. You never seemed to have a problem with it.” Did she want him to stop? He couldn’t tell.  
“I don’t.” She blurted out. Something about him coming in that way excited her. “I mean, it’s not a problem.” She blushed as he chuckled.  
“I went to the hospital and they told me you’d been discharged. I meant to come earlier but I got held up with something.” That something was sleeping in and then trying to explain to the police officer why his car was sitting outside the station and why he needed it back. Thankfully, no one had questioned why his license belonged to a dead man.  
“They let me out this afternoon, said I should be okay as long as I took the pain medicine they prescribed me.”  
“Are you in pain?” She hadn’t really shown much sign of being hurt. It scared him to think she could’ve been in pain and he didn’t notice.  
“I wasn’t when I was laying down in the bed but the minute I stood up, everything hurt like a bitch.” She laughed, he didn’t.  
“Are you okay now?’ He looked concerned.  
“Yeah, I’m fine but I haven’t been moving much since I got here.”  
“Well, lay back down. I don’t want you to hurt yourself.”  
“It’s a little late for that.” It wasn’t funny but Veronica joked anyways.  
“Always the sarcastic one, aren’t you?” He shook his head at her as she laid down.  
“I don't really know, am I?” This time there was no humor, she was genuinely asking.  
“Yes, Ronnie, you are.” He turned to go back out the window. “Now get some sleep, it’s late and just because you’re no longer in the hospital doesn’t mean you’re healed.”  
“Are you leaving me?” Veronica sat up just a little bit.  
“You don’t want me to?” He turned back to her.  
“Well, it’s just, my house has no visiting hours and I want to stay with me.” She seemed embarrassed to admit that she wanted to sleep next to him.  
“As you wish.” He walked to her bed and took a seat next to her. She didn’t recognize the quote.

“You don’t have to be afraid, you’re not going to hurt me.” Veronica could feel his hesitation as he laid down next to her. It had been two days and she was already tired of being treated like she was broken, even though she was. When JD still didn’t move or even relax, Veronica grabbed his arm herself and wrapped it around her body.  
“Goodnight JD.” She muttered out, shutting her eyes.  
“Goodnight Veronica.” He responded, shifting his position to be more comfortable as he realized she was okay.  
And right before she fell asleep, she could’ve sworn she’d heard him whisper “I love you” as well.


	8. Chapter 7-The Heathers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JD gets to have a funny chat with Heather Duke and Heather McNamara.

Veronica woke up to whispers in her room. The light sleeper that she was, two days of sleeping in a hospital had shown her that, she woke up almost instantly. The first thing she noticed besides the voices was the arm wrapped her. Was that there when she’d fallen asleep? Yes, it had. Her memory every morning so far had been foggy but she remembered eventually. Well, she only remembered what she’d learned the day before. She knew the arm belonged to JD but the voices, they were new. It was two girls, that ruled out her parents, so she had no idea who was in her room.  
“She’s been out of the hospital for a day and she’s already asleep with some guy.” That was the first thing she’d heard. Slowly, she opened her eyes. The two girls in question were very close to her face when her eyes opened, causing Veronica to jump back and accidently elbow the person sharing her bed. With a grunt, JD woke up as well.  
“Way to go, Heather, you woke them up.” The blonde-haired one spoke this time.  
“I did not, Heather. Technically, Veronica woke the guy up.” The guy? Why weren’t they using his name? Did they not recognize him? That was almost as unsettling as the fact that there were two girls in her room who she didn’t know.  
Oh wait, they both called each other Heather. That must mean these two were the Heathers, well, the living ones at least. Veronica remembered that part as well.

“Who are you?” Veronica finally spoke up. JD just nuzzled his face back into her hair, obviously not happy to be awake. Unknown to her, it was also because he didn’t want the other two girls to see his face and recognize him.  
“Oh right, your mom said you wouldn’t remember us. I’m Heather McNamara and this is Heather Duke, we’re your best friends.” The blonde one spoke again. Veronica could tell she had a very bubbly personality, she didn’t know if she liked that.  
“Okay.” Veronica nodded. She still had no clue who they really were, but that was enough for now.  
“Who’s the guy?” Heather Duke, yes that was the right one, pointed at JD. Did they really not recognize him?  
“It’s JD.” Veronica said it as if it should be obvious. She felt his head separate from the back of hers, his cover was blown.  
The look the Heathers shared upon seeing her companion’s face was enough to make Veronica’s insides twist.  
“I think we need to have a quick little chat with JD outside.” The tone of Duke’s voice left no room for argument and a minute later, the three of them headed out into the hallway.

“You are supposed to be dead.” Heather Duke whispered-yelled once the door was shut. It was obvious Veronica didn’t know what had happened and Heather wasn’t about to break the news just yet.  
“I get you’re confused…” JD started before he was cut off.  
“Confused?! I am not confused, I am furious. I spent the last year making sure Veronica didn’t kill herself because she thought you had died. Hell, we all did. You have some serious explaining to do if you even want to consider seeing her again.” Heather McNamara just stood to the side as she let Duke lash out on him.  
“You can’t keep me from her.” He’d just gotten her back, no one was taking her away.  
“I can’t but I’d bet all the money I have that her parents don’t know you’re up here and they sure as hell can.”

JD was in no room to argue, she was right. So, he started feeding her the story he’d come up with long ago.   
“Veronica and I got into a really bad fight that day. I stormed out and wasn’t looking where I was going. Someone had planted a bomb in front the school, I guess hoping someone would set it off when the pep rally let out. That someone turned out to be me.”  
“And you lived?” It was McNamara’s turn to speak up.   
“Barely. I managed to find a hospital and they fixed me up. Got a couple of scars still but I’m fine now.” That part, at least, was true.  
“You never thought you should've come back?” Poor, innocent Heather, always trying to see the good in people.  
“I wanted to but that fight we had was pretty bad, I thought maybe it would just be better if I let her think I was dead.” Again, also true.  
“Your story is pretty hard to believe.” He knew it would be.  
“I figured you’d say that.”  
“But Veronica doesn’t know anymore. Maybe it is better that we just don’t tell her. She’s been through enough with the accident and now the amnesia, maybe there’s no reason to tell her that her boyfriend came back from the dead.” That was exactly what JD wanted to hear.  
“We’re taking Veronica for the day. We thought maybe we should help her get reacquainted with the town and with us. I hope you won’t try to stand in the way of that.” Despite the fact that her words should be nice, there was a bitchiness to Heather Duke’s tone that JD hadn’t missed in the slightest.  
“Fine. Just be careful with her.” Two days and he was already so protective of her again.  
“We’re not going to hurt her.” Unlike you, Duke wanted to add.

With nothing left to say, the trio walked back into Veronica’s room.  
“What was that about?’ Veronica had sat up in her bed, eyeing each one of them specifically.  
“Oh nothing, just some things we needed to catch up on.” Heather McNamara came to sit next to Veronica on the bed.  
It was obvious Veronica didn’t believe her but she let it go.  
“Veronica, Heather and I were hoping you’d be up for going out with us today. We wanted to help show you around, see if it might help you remember anything.”  
“That sounds good.” Veronica didn’t know where she stood with these girls currently but they had supposedly been good friends, it couldn’t hurt. “You’re not coming?” She saw JD halfway out her window, it shouldn’t have made her that upset to know he was leaving.  
“No, I think this is something the three of you should do. I’ll see you later.” With that, he was gone. Half an hour later, the Heathers and Veronica finally left the house, with a few words of caution from Veronica’s parents before they left.

JD had made it back to his motel room well before they had left. He couldn’t shake the feeling that the Heathers were a liability. One wrong move and Veronica would have reason to doubt him. That couldn’t happen. He could always kill them. No, he couldn’t and he had to stop thinking like that before he spiraled back down a very dark hole, one that he might actually have to die to get out of. For once, JD had to do something he never planned on doing, he had to trust the Heathers.


	9. Chapter 8-The Meeting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> after over a month, i am back. i don’t know how i really feel about this chapter but i hope it’ll do something to satisfy anyone who has been patiently waiting for this.

Days had passed with life seeming to settle down. JD spent as much time as he could with Veronica, irrationally afraid of her forgetting him completely and of the Heathers exposing his secret. Veronica refused to so much as look at a car, her body seemed to ache at the thought of driving again. The Heathers kept their distance, the sudden reappearance of the friend’s supposedly dead boyfriend was too much for either of them to comprehend. 

However, everything flipped upside down in an instant. 

Only a week out of the hospital, and Veronica began to remember. 

It had seemed like a dream at first, obviously because she had been asleep when the memory made its way back into her mind. 

Veronica could see a school cafeteria, was it Westerburg’s? The Heathers attempt at a tour had done nothing to bring back anything, it only helped her learn what she needed to know. Still, there was an image of a cafeteria in her mind. She could see the students in the large room, could practically hear them as if she had really been standing there. A girl in red stood in front of her, glaring down at Veronica with a look she never wanted to get again. Had she done something wrong? She must have. 

The time seemed to skip forward. Soon, Veronica was making her way back into the cafeteria. Her eyes locked almost immediately onto a boy sitting at a back table by himself. Well, there was another boy sleeping next to him but that hardly seemed like any sort of company. It took her no time at all to realize it was JD. He seemed to perk up as she walked towards him, Veronica didn’t know if it was a good thing that her heart fluttered the way it did. An innocent conversation at first, merely Veronica doing someone’s bidding, turned into a shamelessly flirtatious conversation. The girl in red appeared by Veronica’s side and a quick goodbye was all the two could exchange before Veronica was dragged away. Who was this girl? Was it Heather Chandler? Veronica figured it had to be. But why was she remembering her in such a negative way, the Heathers has described her as some sort of goddess. 

She woke up from the dream in a sweat. She tried to make sense of it. It took her several minutes to realize it wasn’t even a dream at all, it was a memory. The way Veronica could, even now, feel everything she’d felt in that moment and remember what everything had been like, tipped her off that she was one step closer to recovering all her lost memories. 

Veronica hadn’t realized she’d fallen back asleep until she was shaken away. The clock beside her bed told her it was almost noon and JD standing over her told her that sleeping this late was unnatural for her.

“Good morning.” She sat up and offered him a smile. Barely, he gave one back.  
“I’ve tried to wake you for ten minutes.” JD looked scared and worried, it finally made sense why. She had nearly died only a few days ago and now he hadn’t been able to wake her up.  
“I woke up in the middle of the night, I guess I fell back asleep.” She didn’t recall going back to sleep, the excitement of gaining a memory was most likely the cause of her knocking back out.  
“You woke up? Is everything okay?” Veronica had come to realize in the past few days that JD was paranoid about everything. It didn’t matter how miniscule the problem, it worried JD to no end. He hated feeling so weak.   
“Everything is fine. In fact, I remembered something last night.”  
A look of fright passed over JD, there and then gone so quick that she barely had time to notice it.  
“What did you remember?” He was practically sweating as he waited for her answer. She didn’t know why he was so nervous, shouldn’t it be a good thing her memories were coming back?  
“I remembered us meeting each other in the cafeteria. We talked for a bit and then Heather dragged me away. That’s it.” JD seemed relieved, that was enough to worry her. Was there something he didn’t want her to remember? It certainly seemed that way.  
“That’s good, that your memories are coming back.” He was lying. He’d be perfectly happy if Veronica never remembered anything more.  
“Not quick enough.” Veronica couldn’t begin to explain what it was like to not know anything. She’d seen her parents so few times in the past few days that she didn’t even really know what their faces looked like. It was terrifying.   
“Don’t worry, they’ll come back eventually.” JD tried to be reassuring like any other good boyfriend would do. However, she didn’t have to worry about her memories coming back, he did. 

“So anyways, what’s the plan for today?” Veronica quickly shifted the conversation, she never really liked to discuss the topic of her amnesia even though it was pretty much all anyone could think about.   
“I was thinking…” JD started as the two of them laid out some form of a plan for the day. 

From there, life carried on as usual. To any innocent watcher, Veronica and JD would seem like any couple they’d pass by in the street. 

But one person was not convinced. She saw right through them.


	10. Chapter 9-The Almighty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is really short and will probably make zero sense for right now but here it is

At first glance, nobody would ever know there was anything suspicious about the two teenagers walking down the streets of Sherwood, Ohio. They looked like any other 18 year olds that would be spending time together. But she knew the truth, she knew what they’d done. 

It shouldn’t have made her so mad to see them together, it certainly hadn’t when she’d seen them after the murders were committed. Maybe because she didn’t care, maybe because she knew Veronica was making the conscious decision to be in love with a murderer. At the time, that was the brunette’s choice. Now it wasn’t, now Veronica had no clue who she was walking hand in hand with. 

Still, this was what needed to happen. It was the whole point of all of this. That didn’t mean she liked it. And it especially didn’t mean she thought it was the right choice. But she didn’t have any say in what was happening, she never seemed to have a say in anything that happened to her. However, maybe she could have a say in something Veronica did one last time. 

She had to do something. Sure, Veronica had been one of the people to kill her. But this girl she now saw wasn’t the same Veronica, the one who defied her and “accidentally” murdered her. No, this girl was good and innocent and better than she would ever get to be. She didn’t what she could do, she was dead, but Heather Chandler would sooner drink another mug of drain cleaner than let JD hurt Veronica again. Somehow, she’d figure out what to and when she did, JD would be exposed as the monster he really is.


	11. Chapter 10-The Beginning of the End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Veronica remembers one very important thing, and it threatens to tear everything JD worked to rebuild apart.

Weeks passed and Veronica found that each time she went to sleep, she gained more memories from before the accident. They were often just small bits and pieces, she remembered her parents completely now, which was a huge relief for all three Sawyers, and even memories of the Heathers had began to come back. Besides their first meeting, though, Veronica hadn’t had any recollection of JD at all, until the night before. 

She hadn’t told anybody yet, not even JD. What she’d seen had made no sense, her dreams were supposed to be her memories; but if that was true, why had she seen what she’d seen? Why did she remember seeing Heather Chandler die?

It was an annoyingly red room and there was a blonde girl in the center of it. Veronica couldn’t make out anything she was saying, just that her expression showed it was nothing good. JD was by her side, glaring as the girl talked with a white mug clenched in his hand. A minute passed and he held out the mug, which she resisted but eventually took. One quick sip was all it took for Veronica to know something was wrong and right before Heather smashed through the glass coffee table, she clung to Veronica. The one thing Veronica heard the whole time was the strained “corn nuts” before Heather fell. 

Needless to say, Veronica had yet to share this memory with anyone. 

She wanted to doubt it was real, maybe it was really just a dream, something made up like dreams should be. But the feeling in Veronica’s gut told her that wasn’t true. Though she didn’t remember the full thing, Veronica was certain that she’d been there when Heather died and JD had handed her her death. 

If that was true, then why tell her it was a suicide? Veronica obviously was there when it happened and though that was currently the most recent of her memories, he’d been at the hospital when she woke up so they must have still been together. 

The realization hit Veronica like the car that had slammed into her only a month before.They had murdered someone and she’d stayed with him. Veronica didn’t know much but she didn’t think she was that type of person. She clearly was. 

“Is everything okay?” His voice came from the window and Veronica’s head shot to look at him. Speak of the devil and he shall appear.   
—-  
Heather watched from her spot in the room, thankful for once that she was invisible to Veronica. She missed the days of messing with the brunette’s head but getting the best spot to what she hoped would be the breakdown of the century made it all worth it. 

The way Veronica’s eyes filled with fear as she saw JD enter her room, the way JD so effortlessly played off the innocent role, Heather watched it all. Her plan had worked. Somehow, she didn’t even know, she’d been able to make Veronica remember her death. 

Veronica knew the truth now, she was free to make her own choices when it came to JD and her future. Heather could only hope she’d make the right ones this time. For the first time, Heather genuinely cared about rather Veronica would be okay. 

And to think, this was the girl who had ended her life.   
—-  
“What?” Veronica spoke up after an uncomfortable moment of staring at JD with nothing but fear in her eyes.   
“I asked if everything was okay, but I can clearly see it’s not.” He never thought Veronica would look at him like that again. It was the way she’d looked after Heather’s death and Kurt and Ram’s and right after he’d announced his plan to kill hundreds more. 

She paused for a moment, debating if she would actually tell him what she knew. In the end, she decided she had to.   
“I saw Heather Chandler die.” Veronica’s voice was just above a whisper as she admitted what she knew.   
JD was clearly stunned as his usual cool composure dropped to reveal the nervous boy underneath.   
“How?” He was playing dumb, he knew exactly how she’d seen that.   
“I think you know how.” For some reason, Veronica’s fear turned to anger. “What else have you been hiding from me? What else don’t I know about before?”  
“Nothing, that’s it.” Lie. “After Heather died, everyone believed it was just a suicide, there was no reason for anyone to suspect us so we just moved on.” Lie again. She’d hate him when she remembered everything but for now, she wouldn’t hate him quite as much.   
“I don’t know if I agree with that anymore.” Veronica only knew this JD, the one who had been there in the hospital and who had stayed by her side as she recovered. But somewhere in her memory was a different JD, one who had been her accomplice in murder and who looked visibly less disturbed than she did.   
“Veronica,” JD started but she cut him off.   
“I just need time. Please leave.” Her heart hurt as he turned to go. She wanted him to fight to stay, even though she knew she shouldn’t. 

As he left and she was once again by herself, Veronica returned to her thoughts. The words Heather had said on a repeat in her mind and of everything she could remember the girl saying to her, it stood out the most. And Heather had called Veronica a bitch on many occasions. 

As she sat there, Veronica was almost sure she’d seen a flash of red in the corner of her room but when she turned her head to look, there was nothing.


	12. Chapter 11-The Snappy Snack Shack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know it’s been so long but finally, here is a new chapter. i actually really like this one and i hope anyone reading this will too.

“You have been sitting in that bed for a week, Veronica, it’s time to get up.” Her mother’s voice broke the silence she had been living in for the past seven days.   
“No.” Veronica groaned, pulling a pillow over her face at the same time the curtains on her window were pulled open.   
“I called Heather and Heather, they’re on their way. You can either get up now or have them come up here and get you.” With that, her mother disappeared and Veronica was again left alone. 

As much as she’d grown to love the two girls, Veronica wouldn’t deny they were annoying when they wanted to be. So, she dragged herself out of bed with much reluctance. 

Standing, it turned out, was not what her body wanted to do and she immediately fell backwards onto the sheets. The past seven days had been her escape, despite the fact that her mind seemed to constantly replay the image of Heather’s death, Veronica had managed to escape any kind of interaction besides her mother yelling for her to come to dinner and her immediate dismissal of the idea. 

Even now, as she managed to haul herself up finally, Veronica was reminded that Heather would never again get to go anywhere with the other girls who shared her name, in fact, Chandler didn’t get to it do anything anymore. It didn’t help that Veronica was to blame. 

The motions of getting ready were almost robotic as Veronica’s mind was unable to shake the thought of Heather Chandler, it hadn’t succeeded in the past week and it didn’t look like it would anytime soon. 

Before Veronica had another chance to mourn the death of the once red-clad girl, a yellow figure should up in her peripheral indicating that the two friends she’d managed not to kill had arrived. 

“You’re alive.” McNamara’s voice was too cheerful for Veronica’s dark mood.   
“If a car crash can’t kill me, staying in bed for seven days certainly won’t.” It was still a bit too soon to make jokes about the accident, which she realized thanks to both Heathers cringing.   
“What’s got you in such a pissy mood?” The redhead asked as she took a seat on the bed.   
“Was it JD?” McNamara asked as she sat down beside Duke.   
“Not really.” Veronica was shocked at how she was actually right but saying too much might land her in prison and Veronica was just fine with how trapped she already felt.   
“Then what’s your damage?”   
“I’m remembering the person I was and I don’t think I like her.” That was the most she could say without ending up in a worse place than she already felt she was. That seemed to be enough for the Heathers. 

“Aw, Veronica, think about it this way. You get a chance to start over, have a new life. Sure, you’re remembering the past but you have to head towards the future at the same time.” At some point while she was talking, McNamara had stood up and was now hugging Veronica.   
“I think you’re going to need to teach me to live.” The brunette said as she shrugged the taller girl off.   
“Then let’s go. I can’t stand you being depressing any longer.” Without a response from the other two, Duke headed out. 

As much as she wanted to protest, once Heather had followed the other out the door, Veronica knew she had to as well. Saying a goodbye to the comfort of her room, she headed out behind the surviving Heathers.   
-  
“Can we stop somewhere else?” Veronica asked as the lights from the Snappy Snack Shack came into view, even in broad daylight.   
“Since when have you had anything against convenience stores?” Duke asked. Her position as the driver overshadowing Veronica’s complaints as she pulled into the parking lot anyways.   
Since my murderous, now ex boyfriend frequents them, Veronica thought. But she didn’t say that out loud.   
“I don’t.” Is what she said instead. “Never mind, what do you two want?”  
She received orders from the two girls and with a few dollar bills given to her by McNamara in the backseat, Veronica headed inside.

The place looked exactly like it did when she remembered it, she hadn’t actually been inside since the accident despite having every opportunity thanks to JD. Who, speaking of which, Veronica realized once she walked in, was standing in front of the slushee machine and now staring right at her. 

Dropping her head in hopes of avoiding him, Veronica made her way to the shelf of corn nuts, unsurprisingly Duke had requested them. 

With the bag now in her hands, she headed further to the back of the store to grab the snack Mac had requested. She couldn’t see JD anymore, given her a false sense of security. 

As Veronica passed in front of the bathroom, her arm was grabbed and she was pulled into the small room. When the door shut, she came face to face with the person she’d been trying to avoid this whole time. 

“We need to talk.” His voice was quiet, obviously trying to avoid anyone overhearing them.   
“There is nothing to talk about.” She stubbornly tried to dismiss him.   
“Just listen to me!” The sudden outburst shattered any illusion Veronica was holding onto of the JD she knew post-accident. 

“No, you listen to me. I almost died, JD. Do you know how scary that was?” He did but chose not to say anything. “I was laying there fighting to live while life went on without me. Now life is going on without them and they didn’t get a chance to fight. We didn’t give them a chance to fight. I can’t deal with that.” Veronica held back the tears threatening to spill. “There was a brief moment where I forget, where I didn’t remember who you were or what we’d done. But I remember now, and I can’t just forget again and as much as I want to try to forgive you, I can’t.” She gave him no chance to speak as she opened the door and walked out. 

Veronica walked to the cashier and gave him the bills for the food still in her hands. She turned around just once, seeing JD was standing on the other side of the store watching her. 

With the bag swinging from her hand, she got back into Heather’s car and almost as soon as she sat, one solitary tear fell. It didn’t go unnoticed. 

“Is everything okay?” Duke asked from beside her, shockingly concerned.   
“Just drive.” Veronica mumbled and Duke did exactly as she was asked.


End file.
